Time for New Beginnings Page 19

  “It depends where we have the reception,” she said in conclusion.

  Christel nodded. “I agree. But let’s take your garden as a starting point. Do you want a three-course meal, many courses or something completely different? Finger food? Buffet? There are lots of options, and your imagination is the only limit. Don’t worry about what’s conventional. Go for what you like. It’s your wedding.”

  Bettina was touched. How kind of Christel to help her with this. It wasn’t easy for her either. Perhaps she regretted leaving Preben. It was hard to tell. But it didn’t seem like it. She was so happy to be pregnant, it probably overshadowed everything else.

  “I’m tempted to serve Mexican specialties. Not as a buffet, but on serving trays placed around the tables so that the guests can help themselves.”

  “What a glorious idea,” Christel said. “You can let the best Mexican restaurant in Oslo handle it. They take orders like this.”

  She nodded. “That’s what I was thinking.”

  “Then you’re a step further.” Christel gave her an encouraging smile.

  They could hear Mathilde rummaging in the kitchen. She had suggested making dinner today, and Bettina was grateful. It was nice not to have to cook for one day. She had promised them a traditional Norwegian mutton and cabbage stew, with boiled potatoes on the side. It was a popular dish in the fall.

  “I’ll check if Mathilde needs help,” Bettina said, unable to hand things completely over to her aunt. “Get some rest, and I’ll see you at dinner.”

  When Bettina went to the knitting café that night, she remembered that she hadn’t knitted a single stitch since the last time. She had forgotten how to knit, so Sara had to teach her all over again.

  They were sitting on the sofa with Emmelin, enjoying Harriet’s crème caramel. Both were pregnant, and she wished she was, too. It would have been so much fun to be pregnant at the same time. But she was far from there. She felt a deep longing for something she couldn’t have. She’d had it with Anneli, so she knew what she was missing out on. The fact that she had a daughter, whom she loved more than anyone else in the world, didn’t change a thing. She could still feel sadness for not having more children. At least not with Preben. She would have liked to talk to the other women about it. But this wasn’t the time or place, with so many strangers. It would have to wait until she saw Sara at the bakery the next morning.

  “How are you holding up?” She looked from one to the other. Emmelin had a cute, small belly. She was so slim that it didn’t show much. Sara was more curvaceous. But her tummy had grown in the last week alone, despite not being more than a few months pregnant.

  “It’s growing and thriving in here.” Sara laughed heartily and held her belly. “I’m eating for two already. At least it feels that way because I’m famished day and night.”

  “I don’t feel much difference,” Emmelin said. “Except for the kicking, that is.”

  “That’s because you have had so much practice,” Sara said and laughed even more, then turned serious again. “But I get dreadful morning sickness. You didn’t have that, Emmelin.”

  Bettina listened to them yapping away, lost in her own thoughts. She had enough problems to sort out. Would she never experience that happiness again? Never feel another baby kick inside her? She didn’t know if she could accept that.

  Veronica was late, as always, and dumped herself down at their table. Bettina managed to avoid her when she went shopping and hadn’t seen her since the embarrassing incident with Erik at the grocery store. Veronica wasn’t her favorite person after that meeting. She was wearing a salmon pink blouse with buttons that threatened to burst, and jeans so low that it was a blessing no one saw her from behind. She was offered nothing but black coffee.

  “I thought you were engaged, Bettina?” Veronica looked at her quizzically.

  She could feel irritation flaring up. Was she going to bring up that episode with Erik again? Was it not possible to have a conversation with a man in this town, without people starting to speculate?

  “Yes, I’m engaged to Preben. Why are you asking?”

  “I saw him with another woman the other day. They were at Babyshop and bought a stroller. You wouldn’t believe how in love they were as they were sauntering around with all the time in the world.”

  She didn’t like this much. The whole situation was distressing. And what was she supposed to answer to that? Most of it was true. “It’s Christel, his ex-wife. She’s staying at my guesthouse.”

  Veronica stared at her wide-eyed while slowly nodding her head. “I see, so that’s how it is. A love triangle. I didn’t think that of you. I suppose it’s the first time this has happened in our town.” She seemed thoughtful and started shaking her head. “And whose child is it, if I dare ask? Are you sharing that, too? Or even worse, maybe you don’t know who it belongs to?” Veronica stared at her, paralyzed.

  Bettina thought this was so ridiculous that she started laughing. If Veronica only knew. “Indeed, it’s possible to be just friends. And no, the baby isn’t Preben’s.”

  Veronica sipped her coffee but didn’t look convinced. “Don’t be too sure. You should keep a close eye on him. Many women would be interested in such a tough guy, with such a cool bike.”

  “Sure.” There wasn’t much else to say. What a busybody. She had heard from Sara that rumors spread quickly in Solvik, and she got how it could happen with this kind of person in the middle of it all.

  She started packing her tiny knitting project. It didn’t look good, but three rows were better than none. There were holes where it was supposed to be tight. She must have missed a stitch or two. Not strange at all, with everything she had on her mind these days. It might seem like she was fleeing, going home this early – and she probably was – but it was time to see if Anneli had come home.

  She said her goodbyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Sara.”

  Bettina was lying in bed awake, thinking about how her life would turn out in the future. Was she ready to marry Preben, knowing that she would never get her wish fulfilled? How much did you have to love a person, to let go of such a basic wish? Sure, she was happy with Anneli. That’s not what this was all about. But when it’s possible to add something to life, there’s nothing wrong with wanting that. It’s part of human nature. Her thoughts kept spinning around her head, but no answers came to mind. She weighed the pros and cons over and over and eventually fell asleep.

  16

  Something wasn’t right. They were gathered for breakfast the next morning, and Bettina was in full swing with the frying pan. But Mathilde was nowhere to be seen. She let Christel take over, and went upstairs to see how she was doing. She was horrified to see her back in her usual position in bed.

  “Aunt, are you not feeling well?” Bettina went over to the bed and looked at her. The glasses were on the bedside table, and her eyes seemed tired and shrunken. The wrinkles around her mouth were deeper than usual. She felt her forehead, but her temperature was normal.

  “Everything is fine. I’m just so tired.” Her embroidery was on the chair, untouched.

  She nodded understandingly. “Was the gardening too much for you yesterday?”

  “I don’t know. I felt all right when I went to bed. I’ll stay here for now.” She closed her eyes.

  “The doctor promised to come by later this afternoon. Should I call him now instead?” She wasn’t sure what to do.

  “No need. Let me rest, and I’ll come downstairs later.”

  “Ok, I’ll bring you breakfast. Are you able to eat, do you think?” She walked toward the door.

  “Maybe half a roll.”

  She buttered a roll and made a cup of tea that she took upstairs. Then she gave Anneli a goodbye hug in the hall and went back to Christel in the kitchen.

  “I’m sorry about your aunt. Now that she finally was out of bed.”

  She felt let down and looked at Christel. “I thought it would continue like this. What if she goes back to lying
there?” She could feel her appetite fade with her aunt’s lack of strength.

  “Yes, it’s a pity, but don’t cross your bridges before you come to them. She’s tired after weeding. She worked for several hours. Let the handsome doctor take a look at her later today, and he’ll get her back on her feet.” Christel smiled encouragingly, and Bettina had to laugh. If only it were that easy.

  When Erik came to visit after work, Bettina was still worried about her aunt.

  “Now I’m excited about the surprise that Christel promised me,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes and a broad smile on his lips.

  She walked behind him into the hall and took his coat. “I’m afraid we have to disappoint you.” She told him about Mathilde’s resurrection, and how healthy she had been yesterday. How she had livened up in Willy’s company and got on her feet at an impressive speed. “You should have seen her, all dolled up. It’s so sad to see her back in bed.”

  He nodded, serious. “Let’s go and have a look at her.”

  They went upstairs and passed Christel’s door where she had put up a “Do not disturb” sign. She must have taken a nap.

  “Good afternoon, Mrs. Fredriksen. I heard you were doing so well yesterday.”

  “I sure was. Perhaps I worked too much in the garden. I woke up exhausted, and it doesn’t seem to get any better.”

  He checked her over, took her blood pressure, and listened to her lungs and chest. “I can’t tell much unless you come with me to get a proper examination.”

  Mathilde shook her head. “I’m staying right here.”

  “I was afraid you would say that. In that case, I’ll come by tomorrow to see if you’re any better.”

  “Her heart isn’t strong,” he said when they were sitting in the living room with a café au lait. “She’ll need to keep clear of the garden for a while. It’s a shame she doesn’t want help.”

  “In that case, we’re back to where we started,” Bettina said. “With full attendance, twenty-four seven. Oh, that didn’t sound nice. It was just so lovely when she was up and together with the rest of us. I got a glimpse of the way she was when Uncle Herman was alive.”

  “But she’s in a better mood now, I can tell. And that helps.”

  “I guess you’re right.” She looked ahead, lost in her thoughts. “Preben’s parents have left, so that frees up time for me to take care of her, and to think about…”

  “Think about what?” He lifted his mug. “You’re not yourself today.”

  She could feel her eyes getting moist and blinked frantically. She wasn’t this easily touched, but it had been tough lately. Before she knew it, she had told him about the terrible Saturday night, and the tadpoles that did only what suited them.

  He pulled her toward him and held her. “I’m sorry to hear that. I get that you have a lot to contemplate. I know how much you want another child.”

  “Do I really need to choose between a man or a child?” She rested her head on his chest in despair. He stroked her head but didn’t answer. What was he going to say to such a difficult question? She didn’t even know the answer herself. “It’s not fair,” she said and sniffed.

  “I know how you feel,” he finally said. “You have to analyze your feelings for Preben. Only you know how deep they are. And you have to figure out if you can be happy without him. If you can’t, you have to come to terms with the fact that there won’t be more children. Either way, you have Anneli, whom I know you love dearly. But she’s a teenager and on her way to becoming an adult. I get that it would be wonderful for both of you to have a baby.”

  “You’re right. There are so many factors,” she said and freed herself. “I have to think carefully about what I want, and how I want my life to be in the future.”

  She followed him out on the steps and watched the empathetic doctor while he disappeared around the corner. She sat in the rocking chair, and let her eyes rest on the peaceful sea. She wished she were that calm inside.

  Shortly after, she saw Preben turn into the driveway at full speed. What was he doing here now? He had left last night and wasn’t supposed to come back until the weekend. Apparently, the time for trundling the bike onto the property was over. Maybe he thought that Mathilde wouldn’t care about the noise now she was out of bed. If only he knew.

  He parked his bike in the garage, then removed his helmet and gear.

  “Hi, Preben, what are you doing here?” She looked curiously at him while she kept rocking.

  He kissed her and sat in the wicker chair. “Do I need a reason to visit my fiancée?” He smiled broadly.

  She thought it sounded strange and was wondering what else was behind the visit. “Not at all.”

  “How are Christel and the baby?”

  She sighed silently. Not “how are you,” “how was your day,” or any other pleasantries. No, straight to the point. It was easy to tell what was on his mind. She was annoyed that he hadn’t asked about her aunt’s wellbeing, but he didn’t know she was worse again. Who would have thought?

  “Christel is fine and resting in her room.” She studied him. Had they run out of things to talk about? This time should be all about them, and everything to do with their wedding and their plans. That was what they should be busy with now. Instead, everything was about the health of his ex-wife and Ted. She looked at him, confused. “Is that why you’re here?”

  He looked back, equally confused. “That’s not the only reason. You’re here. But it’s getting closer to the due date. I was a little worried.”

  Worried about what? That the baby would be born without him being there? Was he afraid of missing something? He wasn’t the father of the child. Or was there anything else behind it?

  “What do you mean?”

  He pulled his fingers through his hair, which was always slightly too long to be becoming. “She has to watch her blood pressure, you know.”

  Bettina was far from sure if Christel’s blood pressure would benefit from her ex-husband’s persistent consideration and attention. It could go either way, but when everything was said and done, no one knew what Christel was thinking and feeling deep down. She was prepared to raise the child on her own and seemed to be content with her decision. But would she welcome Preben with open arms if she had the opportunity? Who wouldn’t want the whole package? Wasn’t that precisely what she wanted also? To have both Preben and a baby? She needed to talk with Christel about this, to clear things up. She knew that now.

  “I’m completely sure her blood pressure is under control,” she said eventually. “She was at the doctor’s earlier today.”

  He relaxed and squinted in the afternoon sun. It was a beautiful fall day with bright colors on the oak leaves, and a blinking sun between the trees.

  “My aunt is the one we should be worried about.” She told him how her condition had changed.

  “Oh no, now that she was so much better.” He looked at her pensively and got up. “Can I help you with dinner?”

  Dinner turned out to be an awkward affair. Anneli ate on her way out the door to an extra early handball practice, and Mathilde had her meal served in bed. Christel was quieter than usual, Preben was as enthusiastic as always, and Bettina was lost in her thoughts. She played with her stir-fried vegetables while trying to eat some. Her appetite wasn’t great. She had too much to mull over, and way too many unanswered questions.

  “What are your plans for maternity leave?” Preben asked Christel with interest.

  “I have forty-nine weeks of fully paid maternity leave from work, like everyone else. Since I’m alone, I get to take the daddy quota of ten weeks instead of the father.”

  Bettina looked at her fiancé and realized that he wished he was the one to have ten weeks at home with his own baby. Or Christel’s baby, for all she knew. Right now, she didn’t know anything. That was the most frustrating thing. She felt like a spectator of her own life. Most things seemed to go over her head these days, and she wasn’t able to grasp everything that was happening.
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  “That sounds lovely,” Preben said and looked dreamingly into the air.

  She wasn’t sure what sounded “lovely,” but assumed he was talking about the daddy quota. She put a bamboo shoot in her mouth and waited for the sweet taste she liked so much, but it didn’t come. The vegetable tasted like cardboard today. She started clearing the table instead.

  ***

  Christel got up to help put away the rest of the food. She noticed that this was going in completely the wrong direction. She was startled that Preben was so caught up in her child. You’d think he’d be used to it by now. His focus should be on something completely different, namely his wedding. Preben and Bettina had a million things to figure out, and they had barely started. They hadn’t even set the date. Their opinions differed substantially. Most likely, Bettina hadn’t suggested her Mexican menu yet. If she knew Preben, he wouldn’t be happy about it. In some ways, he was very traditional.

  It would probably be best if she moved back home. It must be disturbing for Bettina to have her here. The due date was approaching, and she only had a few weeks left. However, it was common for first-time mothers to exceed the due date, so she didn’t count on the baby being in a hurry. She was left with the feeling that she was causing problems for them while she was staying here. That had never been her intention. But Bettina was so likable, and she enjoyed staying at the guesthouse. It was the perfect place to relax and to rest before the birth. But enough was enough. She decided to leave in two days. By then, she would have been here two weeks, like she had initially planned. She could always visit Bettina after the birth so that she could meet Ted. She would like that. Or maybe not. It was better not to confuse her more than she already was. She should try to make it easier on her. And she could do that by going home. It was the right decision.